I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
