I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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