So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
