Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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