you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
