dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
