I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
