I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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