Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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