The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
