Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
