I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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