i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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