White coat. Heels.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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