I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
