i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
