Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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