i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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