my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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