I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
