So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
