I want to walk on stilts...naked
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
