So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
