billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize