and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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