I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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