Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A bitchslap is in order.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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