I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
