party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
