i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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