We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize