I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My vagina just recognized that song.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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