I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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