I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
