You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
