Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
