i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
