i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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