she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
