We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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