Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
