Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize