My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
soo... how was my night?
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