everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
