Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
