Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
