Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Less talking, more tequila
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
