It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
