and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
