Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
