Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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