Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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