I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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