Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
