The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Randomize
