I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
time to smoke my breakfast
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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