Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
