dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
