wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
