Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
