Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize