Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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