there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
