Even the bartender felt bad for me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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