are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
