After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
