Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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