I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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