dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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