Where is the hickey?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
