ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
