Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
