My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
that may or may not have been my penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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