I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
